TONS of discussions on this topic can be found online. Nope, I am not intending to summarise what has been said by others, but rather more on my personal view point.
I do sometimes fantasize about other gals during sex with my partner. Since I find myself not as sexually-attracted to my wife as compared to years ago (not withstanding our happy marriage), I thought fantasy would serve as a handy tool to compliment that void, so that lovemaking can still be as steamy, or nearly, as before.
It’s not just about my own sexual satisfaction; I see that I have a obligation to let my partner feel wanted too. Yes, I see that as a tool and nothing more.
In the past, the objects of my imagination would be my ex-crushes. As time passes by, my infatuation and memories of them faded. Then I started to fantasize more of my net friends, Jesse & Alexis.
Lately, images of my wife’s cousin started showing up in my mind too.
Well, I do abide to a couple of ground rules to keep myself in check.
1) The object of sexual gratification must not be the same girl everytime, i.e; rotation
2) She should not be someone whom I meet on a frequent basis, e.g; colleagues.
3) Whatever fantasies about someone that come up in my mind, should stay in the bedroom.
While #3 may not always be achievable (since I still think of them during my DIY), I’m coping well on #1 & #2.
Thus, there is little risk of letting my sexual fantasies get into the way and entice me to develop feelings for someone else, which would be detrimental to my marriage.
To illustrate further, I only see my wife’s cousin once a month during family gatherings; I have no plans to meet my net friends, and neither am I still in contact with any of my ex-crushes.
Some say fantasizing is considered as cheating..
I choose to think that as long you manage it well, why not? Afterall sexual fulfilment comprises both the physical and emotional aspects.
Having said so, if one had to rely on fantasy in order to entice oneself to make love with his/her partner, this could be a dangerous sign to note.
And needless to say, don’t ever be so honest to confess to your partner you’re thinking about someone else while having sex with him/her.
I read from a forum that some dude actually did, and landed himself in trouble. Some stuffs are simply not meant to be shared!